she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
