Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
