I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
