i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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