Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
