i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
