I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...