Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
