I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
