He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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