Buhtt sex?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
