I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
