Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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