I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
