he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
