You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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