Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
