he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
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At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
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Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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