wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
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a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
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Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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