God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
