Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
