I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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