can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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