I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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