I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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