i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
dude. I can hear the air.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
