Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
