Nicole vs. Life
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
