So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
