Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
