Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
