the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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