i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
