its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
