you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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