You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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