i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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