U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
