im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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