Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So much rum. So many feels.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
