can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
