I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
