he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
