Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
