Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
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I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
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I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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