So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
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so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
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You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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