I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Never joke about your clitoris.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
