i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
