He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
