you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
