my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
No subtext here. People are naked.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
