I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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