I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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