why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
3pm strippers are depressing
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I currently don't understand fingers.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
