Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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