im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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