That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
