hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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