You work out of a Hotel?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
