Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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