Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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