if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my phone needs a breathalizer
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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