reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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