this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
