I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
