I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.