i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
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sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
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I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.