So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on