happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize