There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!