Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
Well my cheeks are red now
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
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No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.