I'm eating all of the evidence.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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