god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
