I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
