So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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