Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
