you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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