Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
