im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
